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Have you ever felt like you are, or you act a certain way but then realize that that idea of yourself isn’t true? I have.
The other night I was watching a show and in the show there was a woman who thought that she was going to act a certain way during an exercise at this retreat, but in reality that was they way she wished she would act. When it came down to the moment for her to experience what the instructor was demonstrating she reacted in almost the exact opposite way of the idea she had in her head. This reminded me of myself.
I am definitely not always wrong with predicting the way I will react to things, but I certainly can be. Sometimes I think I will act poorly in a situation but then I am pleasantly surprised with my actual reaction. Sometimes I think that I will love something and when I try it I actually almost loathe what I am experiencing.
Of course in life we can’t always know what we will think of things. Even if you have experienced something before and loved it, it doesn’t mean that you will love it now. Think of a treat. If I have a cookie today and I haven’t had one in years it is probably going to be a pretty sweet (no pun intended) treat. Now, if I eat a cookie with every meal every day I probably will not really like the taste of the cookies after a few days and will grow sick of them eventually. Just like a situation in life.
It is normal to get bored of things and want to switch up a routine. Change is the spice of life, my friend.
Back to the woman. She thought that during this particular exercise she would feel confident in her skin and proud of who she was. In the moment she got really nervous and felt ashamed of who she was and like she wasn’t good at performing the task at hand.
I have had many times in my life where I think I will act one way going into a situation and then I get to the day or deed and my anxiety kicks in and I am like “who is this person and what have they done with my confidence?!!” A good example of this is honestly any time I go to the doctor. I go in to the situation knowing what I want to say and how I will be calm, cool, and collected. The day of comes around and I am not any of those. I get anxious, hot, and I can’t seem to think clearly. The doctor asks my name and my brain has left the building. My words get jumbled and I don’t know how to speak.
Sometimes when you expect yourself to be confident and you aren’t, it can be a really big ego hit. But that’s okay, it is part of life. Other times I expect the worst of my anxiety to come out and then I walk in to the situation like a boss and I am utterly floored with how I just handled myself in a situation.
The thing is everyone tries to put on a front or facade in certain situations. I think everyone wants to look cool, calm, and collected throughout the day. No one that I know is out there wanting and hoping to look like a fool and fumble on their words and trip up the stairs and get all sweaty in a new situation. It isn’t normal to not want to look put together, but it also isn’t normal to always be put together.
Sometimes we just have to face reality and deal with embarrassing moments, accept that we won’t always react to things the way we want to, and be open to learning from our experiences.
I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes we surprise ourselves in a great way and sometimes we are not entirely thrilled with ourselves, and that is okay.
Learn to forgive yourself for not always living up to your unrealistic exceptions. We are humans after all, not robots.
Choose to be authentic with yourself and others and stop trying to put on a facade.
Being fake isn’t cute, honey.
Cheers to being your amazing, unique, flawed (in the best way possible) self.
Until next time,
-H
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